As things got more serious with Jack, it came out that neither one of us had let Ian in on the fact that we were together (oops!). Jack admitted that he’d thought about emailing Ian multiple times before and after we’d kicked off our relationship but hadn’t yet found the words to let him in on what was going on. Ian had left the country – never to return again – so it was a difficult call as to whether he really deserved a heads up. It wasn’t like Jack was encroaching on protected soil (you can’t argue you’re staking claim territory from across the Atlantic – look how well that turned out for the English).
I was pretty happy leaving well enough alone, but Jack and I were about to take our first vacation together. This prompted a flurry of questions from my best friend about whether or not Ian had been updated on the current situation. When I explained he hadn’t, and I didn’t think that was a huge deal cause he was far far away and had never been interested in any form of commitment she freaked out.
“What? You need to tell him! You need to have told him 5 minutes ago!” she exclaimed. “What happens when he sees pics of you and Jack on vacation together on Facebook!? He’ll freak!”
Firstly, I’ve never seen Ian freak about anything. Secondly, I didn’t see the urgency, nor did I really see the requirement. To clear up the great chasm between my thoughts on the matter and hers, I asked a few other people and it appeared there was no middle ground between “you need to tell him as soon as humanly possible” and “meh, I wouldn’t bother.”
It wasn’t until I brought the question to my friend TJ that he put it all into perspective. To paraphrase, he said that if he were Ian, he’d probably have liked the heads up from Jack prior to us starting our relationship, but now that it was underway, it’s probably better to hear it from me. Also, he pointed out that I have very little to lose by telling him. Either he cares and he’s glad I told him, or he doesn’t care and it doesn’t matter I told him.
This made up my mind, so I got on Messenger and started a conversation with Ian. Here it is for your enjoyment [I’ve removed the superfluous comments and banter]… notice how I “hahaha” and repeat things when I’m slightly nervous…
*what is /swoon? [my MSN tagline at the time]
*Swoon, well, I’ve started dating someone
*someone called swoon?
*He’s a great guy, makes me swoon – hahaha.
*Yeah, his name is Jack, not swoon, and yeah, it’s the one we both know.
*Wasn’t sure how you’d react to that…
*I disapprove. You must end it immediately
*Uh… can you do that?
*Yes, Yes I can.
*Seriously tho… we both had no idea how to handle it
*Na I’m happy for the both of ya.
*It’s been about a month
*We were hanging out as friends for a while
*Things were really clicking.
*So are you going to send him hate mail?
*Maybe, sounds like fun
*Awe, don’t be too hard on him.
*We both didn’t know how to handle it!
*I figured you would be cool…
*Yeah, I can see how you guys might have been worried but it’s all good with me.
*I’m glad 🙂
Seems like he took it pretty well! Big props to TJ for helping me get my head on straight with this one.