Firstly – my apologies. I’ve been slacking on my blogging. Now for a new post…
I love men. I really, really do. I love the way they smell, their deep voices, their scruffy faces, their muscles… pretty much everything.
I am, however, fairly mystified about some of the finer points of their emotional complexities.
Perhaps my confusion is derived from the fact that I am female, and we want project our complex thoughts and emotional combinations into the minds of men… where none of this may exist. I’m not trying to imply that men don’t have complex feelings and emotions, but as far as I can tell they do not mirror the way that our emotions are complex in any way, shape, or form.
Let me illustrate a couple of recent situations to give you some background on where this is coming from:
First Example: Remember Mr. Silent Treatment from my last post? How all of a sudden my friend started giving me the silent treatment, and I had little clue as to why this was happening? Well, this situation has since been sorted out. After almost a week of his avoiding my attempts to talk, he came into my office to sit down and discuss what had been bothering him. It was as I had suspected, he had received the text from my friend about his girlfriend not being welcome at drinks and had assumed, for some reason, that this message had originated with me. Apparently, he’d discussed this with his girlfriend who claims that she’s always felt like I give her the “cold shoulder.” This despite the fact that I have actively tried to invite her out to “girly” activities over the course of their relationship and form a friendship with her… and she’s never asked me to do anything, save for ask me for a ride to the airport once when he was out of town. But I digress…
Upon discussing the situation with me rationally, realizing that the text didn’t come from me and that I’ve never intentionally done anything to offend his girlfriend, it was like a switch flipped and everything went back to exactly the way it was before. It was like nothing had ever happened.
Second Example: My Prince Charming, Jack, (yes, I owe you an update on him as well…) has a roommate. This roommate, Vaughn, and he have been best friends since elementary school. Jack invited Vaughn to move into his house over a year ago when Vaughn was returning home subsequent to following a girl across the country, only to have her smash his heart into tiny pieces. At the time Vaughn was heartbroken, jobless, and broke from having to pick himself up and move back across the country. Being a stand-up guy and outstanding best friend, Jack said Vaughn could live with him, rent free, until he got back on his feet.
Vaughn started the process of getting back on his feet and getting over his ex. He found a job, started paying down his various depts. Then he bought himself a new car. Then he started going out with his buddies, all of the time. It was becoming quite apparent that Vaughn had not only gotten back on his feet but had started doing fairly well for himself. He still wasn’t paying a cent to live in Jack’s house, and to make matters worse, he wasn’t helping out around the house, either. Jack had been doing all of the house work and yard work as well as paying all of the bills.
By the time Jack and I had started to hang out in the early spring, he was really frustrated with Vaughn’s behavior. While he could afford to be paying all of the bills, it did not leave him with money to do any of the extras he wanted to do with the house, like build a deck. He was tired of being the only one responsible for the cleanliness of the house and yard. And this tension was starting to put a strain on their friendship. They were rarely hanging out and being purely cordial around the house.
A couple of weeks ago Jack and Vaughn sat down for a heart to heart. Jack told Vaughn he needed to start pitching in; Vaughn agreed. Now everything is back to the way it was before. They are best friends, and it’s like nothing ever happened.
My girl brain and I do not understand these situations. Here’s the dude – he’s upset, it’s affecting is ability to function normally with his friend, sometimes over a very extended period of time, but once they talk about it, it’s like it never happened. Really?
I don’t know a single girl who functions this way. If a girl is to the point of silent treatment/extended awkwardness with another girl it will take ages for it to get back to normal, no matter how well the “let’s solve this” conversation goes.
Do girls take the actions speak louder than words adage to heart better than guys? Or are guys just better at putting something aside when a situation has been solved? I find it both impressive and confusing.