Securing 3rd Place: Being one of the boys.

I enjoy the fact that I am frequently “one of the boys.”  All through life, whether it’s been socially, at school, or at work,  I always seem to find myself being a member of the sausage party, rather than fitting in with the girls. 

Usually this makes me pretty happy, as I’m not a fan of the drama that is (generally speaking) inherent with hanging around with a gaggle of gals.  Just to be clear, I do have a handful of mind-blowing girl friends who I will jump to hang out with any given day of the week, so this isn’t a post about bashing being friends with girls (that’s not something that deserves bashing). 

For the sake of keeping this to the point, I’m not going to touch on the romantic complications that arise from being close friends with members of the opposite sex.  I think I detailed those complications in full when discussing my best guy friend, Will.

Now that we’ve established what this post is not, I’ll explain what this post is… It’s about how being close platonic friends with a member of the opposite sex really stinks when they go out and get a girlfriend/boyfriend.  On its face, I know this is a fairly selfish thing to say.  You should be happy for the new found happiness and sex life of your friend, but what this means to you is that you’ve suddenly been bumped down to third place in the hang out hierarchy.

Now that there’s a gf in the picture, it becomes very difficult for the party that is hooked up to make time for you.  There’s a new number one in town, and you’re getting a serious demotion.  Previously, you could have been in the running for the number one spot with his boys since you were, to some extent, one of his boys.  But now that he’s got a girl who sees you as his chick friend, rather than one of his boys, you get painted with a different brush. 

The boys’ nights in which you were included are now group hang out nights, because if you’re there he can’t exclude his girlfriend under the pretences of it being a “boys’ night.”  This means you will get the version of your friend that is on his best “impressing my girlfriend” behavior, rather than the laid-back-cracking-offensive-jokes version that you’re used to if you’re one of the boys.  I don’t know about you, but the latter version of my guy friends way more fun.

So his boy nights become nights for those who legitimately possess sausages, and you’re off to find your own entertainment.  The one on one hang outs you used to have?  Well, those will now be few and far between.  His first priority is now his girlfriend, and his second priority will be boys’ nights since they’re easy to justify to his girlfriend.  And then there, in third place, is you.  Any girlfriend worth her salt will give her guy passes to hang out with the boys, but far fewer will ever understand a platonic friendship.  It’s a tough pill to swallow when your significant other is choosing to spend time with another member of the opposite sex over you.  For most people, that stings a little. 

It ends up breaking down like this: his girlfriend is his number one.  She will occasionally give him a pass to hang out with his boys, a group in which you are no longer a member due to the fact that you don’t have tackle to meet gf’s definition of the boys.  When she’s not available, she’d prefer he hangs out with the boys.  If she’s not available and the boys aren’t available, you’re waiting in the wings to live it up like you did in the BGF (Before GirlFriend) days.

This situation has happened to me with at least a dozen guy friends since high school.  It stinks, and it drives me insane based on the fact that I try to be very understanding of my boyfriend’s platonic friendships.  Given that I have a ton of guy friends with whom I’m going to want to spend time, who am I to get pissed about the other side of the coin?  In reality, most people aren’t as understanding (it can be tough not to let jealousy rear its ugly head), and I, like other girls who are one of the boys, end up flying the third place flag loud and proud.

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One Response to Securing 3rd Place: Being one of the boys.

  1. TurnJacson says:

    Platonic friends might not truly exist… at one point, one party was interested in the other. Hence the insecurity of the new female because she’s competing with something she doesn’t have yet… History!

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